Posted by wendy b. on March 7, 2003, at 8:02:47
In reply to Re: Thinking of you, Dinah, posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 19:46:11
Dear Miller,
I read you whenever you post, and regard you as a very strong lady. I remember some of your earlier posts about forgiving yourself, etc. It's not easy. I am sending good thoughts your way...
When someone on this thread above says all we can offer are cyber-hugs, but you probably need some real ones (cyber ones are actually very supportive in their own way), I thought maybe, just maybe (and I know this is hard to think about, too), a group therapy situation might be good for you. One that's run by a therapist who's done it before, one with rules of behavior, implicit and explicit trust between members, etc. May be hard to find, I know. But the short time I was in group, I was able to get some real validation from people who were nearby, real hugs if I needed them, real understanding from women (though they were younger than me) who had experienced similar - if not the same - feelings I had felt. It was a very great comfort. It's hard enough doing all the things you're doing now, especially managing the crisis in your marriage (very painful indeed), but if you can make a couple of phone calls, ask your therapist for referrals, etc., it may be a source of courage and strength for you.
Dinah is right about most people not being able to understand the suicidal tendencies unless they've been through these moments themselves. You have to be >very< careful who you let inside, who you can trust. It's a sign of the goodness that's inside you, though, that you at least tried with this friend from work. The other thing, too, is that work may not be the right place to share personal stuff, because sometmes word gets around, and people in general are still very ignorant about depression and suicide, no matter how many strides we've made as a society. That's another reason why the group therapy situation is good: everybody has things they don't want going any further than that room. Thus the first rule of the group has to be confidentiality... if it's not, or it's nebulous, don't join and find another.
Just hearing others express what they have been fighting - whether suicide attempts, SI, eating disorders, etc. - is a healing thing. Anyway, it's just a thought, use what you need, in terms of 'well-meant advice,' and throw away the rest.
I wish you peace...
Wendy
> Dinah,
>
> I never feel pressured by you at all. It is just my low self esteem that keeps me from sharing.
>
> I have three things since I left the hospital that have eroded my hopes of becoming well.
>
> 1) When I came out I was very uncomfortable. I felt like a visitor in someone else's life. Instead of the discoomfort fading, it just seems to come in waves. I am not sure I am strong enough to invite myself into this life that doesn't feel like mine.
>
> 2) Trust and honesty. When I came out of the hospital, I felt as if I was ready to start trusting people and be honest. It backfired on me. There is a girl I work with. I really like her. I thought she was able to understand me. So, I decided to open up. We went to breakfast right after I got out. I was telling her that my husband said he doesn't know if he can stay married to me because of the suicide attempts. I was ABOUT to tell my friend how much that hurt when she said "I know EXACTLY how he feels. I wasn't sure I could remain your friend either." Maybe friendship isn't for me.
>
> 3) Things with my husband are going downhill so fast I can't even keep up anymore. I was so hopeful when I left the hospital that he and I could work it out. It's getting so bad now...
>
> Now, isn't that the most light and fluffy post you have read in a while?
>
> I wish I had a therapist I trusted and felt safe with. Then again, I am so tired of telling my story to a million doctors and not seeing results...
>
> Sorry about the negative atmosphere I created. I am glad you ALL are here. This is the one place I feel like nobody will judge me TOO harshly. At least I know people care. And, I have made some great friends here. :)
>
> -Miller
>
poster:wendy b.
thread:206465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030301/msgs/206778.html