Posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 19:46:11
In reply to Re: Thinking of you, Miller » Miller, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2003, at 15:27:54
Dinah,
I never feel pressured by you at all. It is just my low self esteem that keeps me from sharing.
I have three things since I left the hospital that have eroded my hopes of becoming well.
1) When I came out I was very uncomfortable. I felt like a visitor in someone else's life. Instead of the discoomfort fading, it just seems to come in waves. I am not sure I am strong enough to invite myself into this life that doesn't feel like mine.
2) Trust and honesty. When I came out of the hospital, I felt as if I was ready to start trusting people and be honest. It backfired on me. There is a girl I work with. I really like her. I thought she was able to understand me. So, I decided to open up. We went to breakfast right after I got out. I was telling her that my husband said he doesn't know if he can stay married to me because of the suicide attempts. I was ABOUT to tell my friend how much that hurt when she said "I know EXACTLY how he feels. I wasn't sure I could remain your friend either." Maybe friendship isn't for me.
3) Things with my husband are going downhill so fast I can't even keep up anymore. I was so hopeful when I left the hospital that he and I could work it out. It's getting so bad now...
Now, isn't that the most light and fluffy post you have read in a while?
I wish I had a therapist I trusted and felt safe with. Then again, I am so tired of telling my story to a million doctors and not seeing results...
Sorry about the negative atmosphere I created. I am glad you ALL are here. This is the one place I feel like nobody will judge me TOO harshly. At least I know people care. And, I have made some great friends here. :)
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:206465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030301/msgs/206629.html