Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2003, at 20:05:40
In reply to Re: Thinking of you, Dinah, posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 19:46:11
Miller,
First of all, you NEVER create a negative atmosphere. Negative atmospheres don't arise from sharing your pain. They have other causes entirely.
I think people who aren't depressed and haven't seriously contemplated suicide just don't understand. I have the same problem with dealing with others around self injury, although thankfully that is easier to hide. Please rest assured that it isn't personal in any way. I do think it's probably hard to find people you can safely share those things with. Most people want friendships at a lighter level. My husband gets darned angry about it, because it makes him feel helpless. Is that the problem with your husband? I don't even share the suicidal thoughts with him.
I take it your on line therapist isn't working out? I understand your frustration. It is so hard to find someone with whom you have rapport.
I have this vague memory (and I may be confusing you with someone else) that you once said your husband was your best friend? It must be very painful for you to have a rupture in that relationship.
It sounds like you're experiencing some derealizaton or depersonalization, if it doesn't feel like your life is yours. A lot of psych meds can cause or exacerbate that, and maybe it's a side effect. That might not make it feel better, but it does mean that there is a chance for it to improve.
Please do stick around and post, Miller. This is one of the few places where it's really ok to talk about those things that it may not be ok to talk to friends about. We won't be angry with you or judge you for your negative thoughts. Unfortunately all we can offer are cyberhugs, not real ones. And it sounds as if you need some hugs.
It seems bad now, Miller, but there is the possibility for improvement. There are so many people on this board (and many more who are no longer posting) who once felt as you do, and are now so happy they lived to look back on that period. They're my shining examples that things can turn around. That the bad stuff doesn't have to last forever. The right combination of meds, some changes in life circumstances. There are possibilities.
Please hold on to that thought. (And remind me of it every once in a while.)
((((Miller))))
poster:Dinah
thread:206465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030301/msgs/206639.html