Posted by sid on January 13, 2002, at 11:04:39
In reply to Re: divorce one's family?, posted by ST on January 12, 2002, at 19:21:46
Thanks.
Some things from the past are still too fresh to my memory, and my sister can trigger some incredible anger in me, just by talking. She does not realize this, but I'm finding that around her (and her husband, whom I've managed to ignore relatively well so far), I am stressed and on the defensive, waiting for the next blow, or for the next moment where I will have to make incredible efforts to tame my anger. I could easily get physically violent with her sometimes. And I am not like that at all with anyone else.
Thanks again. For now, we seem to be OK again as we spoke on the phone and there was not even a mention of me hanging up on her because I was so angry. It's our mother's b-day soon (74 years old) and we are preparing a little get together with some family of hers (aunt, uncle, cousins) and some friends, so I decided to let things go for now, for my mother's sake. At 74 years old, I think she deserves some peace and quiet. My brother already split from my sister and so we can never be all together; my splitting too would be a lot more sadness for her. In my heart, my family is her, so I am very protective of her. The get-together was my idea too. But when she is gone, I could very well decide to split from my sister for good, depending on how she treats me. As for her husband, I ignore him, like I would if he were a house pet; it's mean, but that as much esteem I have for him. On the plus side: I never fight with house pets!
> Hi Sid,
>
> We choose our friends, but not our family, so who says we have to have them in our life if they are disrespectful or hurtful? It might make you feel better to write them a letter detailing exactly how you feel and that you want no contact for awhile. There will be no interruptions, no diverting accusations and you will feel a lot better. Then divorce yourself! If they write or leave messages, just know that they have that letter and they know exactly why you're doing this - even if they pretend they don't.
>
> I'm past the guilt about cutting off one of my sisters. And there was a lot of guilt for some years.But I have to take care of myself, and now I'm happy with my choice.(Also, things don't have to be "forever". Things change. But for right now that's the way it is)
>
> Your feelings are real. They are legitimate. You have a right to make choices based on how you feel. You must protect yourself. It's a long life, live it the way YOU want to.
>
> Good luck,
> Sarah
poster:sid
thread:16577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020112/msgs/16706.html