Posted by sid on January 12, 2002, at 18:44:59
In reply to Re: divorce one's family?, posted by kiddo on January 12, 2002, at 15:44:45
Thanks... comforting to know I'm not alone in this dilemma. Take care.
> I responded to this post the other day, but I guess I didn't hit the submit button. I have very little contact with my family...I too am the 'nerd' in the family, but who's the first person they call when they need something? For now, I have chosen to give them that. Someday, I'll collect, and tell them I'm keeping a running tab.
>
> I can't remember the person that told me, but it stayed with me nevertheless...and I'm sure you've heard it as well. 'They have to put you down to make themselves feel better.' -could probably say it better if i'd had sleep.
>
> It took a very long time for me to be able to succeed, but I don't think about them unless they are around, and then I treat them as if we'd first met. Polite, yet not like friends or family, just someone I didn't know but needed to be 'civil' with (no I couldn't think of a better word)
>
> It sounds so much like my family. I learned a long time ago, as messed up as my family was, if I WASNT living to their 'standards' more than likely I was doing pretty good.
>
> Hang in there and hope it gets better...could write a book, but you'd probably need a translator...
>
> Kiddo
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>
> > Hello,
> >
> > I have serious issues with my sister and her husband, and I have fantasized about "blocking them for a lifetime" or "divorcing" them. I feel guilt about it, even though they have hurt me greatly in the past (my sister always ridiculed my lifestyle choices, and she guilted me into taking care of my parents for 5 years in my early 20's; her husband sexually harrassed and molested me most of my life, since I was about 8). I cannot talk to her about any of this because then she responds with accusations of things that have nothing to do with those issues and that are judgmental to my lifestyle. I'm a nerd, I studied all my life and still do, I do research, and they think I should have gotten married and had kids instead - I'm a failure and I should not be criticizing them at all. So whenever I try to talk about things that I still have on my chest, accusations fly by, and the discussion turns to something that has nothing to do with what I was saying. Also, their comments denote that they still don't respect me for who I am; they never have.
> >
> > My question is: Is it possible to "divorce" some family members and live happily thereafter? There's a mixture of guilt and anxiety when I think about it, but then there is anger and agressivity when I am around them, and there does not seem to be a solution to that, other than staying away from them. Any insights anyone?
poster:sid
thread:16577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020112/msgs/16691.html