Posted by sid on January 10, 2002, at 6:40:09
In reply to Re: divorce one's family? » sid, posted by IsoM on January 10, 2002, at 1:49:00
Exactly ! My father passed away and my mother knows about all my grief against my sister and brother-in-law. I am indeed afraid that there'll be repercussions on my mother and I am protective of her, perhaps too much.
I think the same as you on family vs. friends. I have some wonderful friends, but my sister and brother-in-law are so hard to deal with that I don't enjoy their company. I am always stressed around them, in fear of the next inappropriate move from my b-i-law or the next request from my sister. The thing is, she's the one for whom family traditions are important; yet, she makes everybody miserable and does not realize how inappropriate her husband's behavior is. Traditions are not important to me, and I want honest and deep relationships. With them it can only be superficial because as soon as anyone says anything that matters, a fight starts.
Well, thanks. I'm not the only one who thinks that family members have to abide by the same rules as anybody else. They can't just behave like ***** and get away with it because they're family. I don't know what I'll do about it, but at least someone else thinks like me. That'S comforting a little. :-)
> Sid, so many people seem to have trouble separating themselves emotionally from family members & guilt about not keeping in contact because they're still family & blood being thicker than water, blah, blah, blah.
>
> It makes me feel like I'm some sort of cold, insensitive thing because I don't 'give a damn' if someone's related to me or not. If I don't like them for a sound reason, I stay away from them.
>
> My two brothers are a real pain. Not horrible like your sister is, just a pain in the butt. They have qualitites that I wouldn't put up with in friends - I'd never visit or talk with them normally if they weren't family. But because they're not really terrible people, I don't dislike them - I just don't get on socially with them. So I keep in contact as there's a degree of loyalty as siblings among us & a family history. We help each other as needed & care for the basics. But personality-wise, we're totally different from each other with completely different values & interests too.
>
> If I was in your shoes, I'd say you were better off not having any contact with them except what was absolutely necessary. How's your parents fit in with all this? Are they for or against you? Or do they even care one way or the other? It's while parents are still alive that it's hard to completely avoid your siblings.
poster:sid
thread:16577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020102/msgs/16593.html