Posted by ST on January 12, 2002, at 19:21:46
In reply to divorce one's family?, posted by sid on January 9, 2002, at 23:32:21
Hi Sid,
We choose our friends, but not our family, so who says we have to have them in our life if they are disrespectful or hurtful? It might make you feel better to write them a letter detailing exactly how you feel and that you want no contact for awhile. There will be no interruptions, no diverting accusations and you will feel a lot better. Then divorce yourself! If they write or leave messages, just know that they have that letter and they know exactly why you're doing this - even if they pretend they don't.
I'm past the guilt about cutting off one of my sisters. And there was a lot of guilt for some years.But I have to take care of myself, and now I'm happy with my choice.(Also, things don't have to be "forever". Things change. But for right now that's the way it is)
Your feelings are real. They are legitimate. You have a right to make choices based on how you feel. You must protect yourself. It's a long life, live it the way YOU want to.
Good luck,
Sarah> Hello,
>
> I have serious issues with my sister and her husband, and I have fantasized about "blocking them for a lifetime" or "divorcing" them. I feel guilt about it, even though they have hurt me greatly in the past (my sister always ridiculed my lifestyle choices, and she guilted me into taking care of my parents for 5 years in my early 20's; her husband sexually harrassed and molested me most of my life, since I was about 8). I cannot talk to her about any of this because then she responds with accusations of things that have nothing to do with those issues and that are judgmental to my lifestyle. I'm a nerd, I studied all my life and still do, I do research, and they think I should have gotten married and had kids instead - I'm a failure and I should not be criticizing them at all. So whenever I try to talk about things that I still have on my chest, accusations fly by, and the discussion turns to something that has nothing to do with what I was saying. Also, their comments denote that they still don't respect me for who I am; they never have.
>
> My question is: Is it possible to "divorce" some family members and live happily thereafter? There's a mixture of guilt and anxiety when I think about it, but then there is anger and agressivity when I am around them, and there does not seem to be a solution to that, other than staying away from them. Any insights anyone?
poster:ST
thread:16577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020112/msgs/16695.html