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Re: Lump Basket Orders

Posted by S. Howard on November 12, 2000, at 16:09:19

In reply to Re: Lump Basket Orders, posted by coral on November 12, 2000, at 12:35:45

> Dear Gracie,
> May I order custom baskets that are specially for Lumptonians with IRS? My SFH (Sister From Hell) envisions herself as one of Santa's Little Helpers with a heavy dose of malevolence. Any suggestions?

Dearest Coral,
Ahhh, the sister from Hell. Maybe she knows my mother and stepmother? They are also from Hell. Dad sure could pick em.
The following items are all available for the poor Lump who suffers from IRS this time of year:

-Special mulled wine mix. You simply heat this up with the wine of your choice and whatever you happen to keep on hand in your kitchen pantry, like Benadryl or Qualuudes. You can serve this to your guests or save it for yourself - either way, it should cut down on the irritation factor immensely.
-For those with extremely irritating relatives, the "mainline" hat with a straw for a continuous supply of the special mulled wine mix or drink of your choice.
-A candycane-striped stick for fending off relatives who want to kiss or pinch your cheeks or even worse, foolishly think you are obliged to share your chocolate-covered cherries. Huh.
-Packets of cat-hair or pollen to spread around the house for those relatives with allergies.
-Earphones to muffle singing (in case anyone is still capable after drinking the special mulled wine).
-Voodoo dolls with pins or tiny stakes of holly
(specify number).

That's it so far. Ideas always welcome.
SGH - I mean, Gracie




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