Posted by annierose on May 28, 2012, at 7:38:11
In reply to Re: What are you STILL doing in therapy?!, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2012, at 16:58:57
>>>Need leads to a far stronger bond than want<<<
I love that sentence - we were just talking about this in therapy the other day in reference to myself. Going through the divorce process brings a lot of un-wanted and "wanted" attention from unattached men. My therapist said, "What I wish for you more than anything, is not to need or want their attention. I want you to be okay no matter what - so your mood isn't swaying back and forth based on who is flirting with you or who isn't. You need to be solid first, then from there you can build healthier relationships." I do find that if I "need" attention from a certain person, it has a desperate quality attached to it. Once I worked through where that desperation was coming from, and have let go of that fantasy, it has freed me up emotionally - - - and I can just "be" myself. These are difficult emotions/feelings to put in words - no dobut.
I do understand what she is telling me - and I wish that too and hope I am moving in that direction. But I also think when you have felt tortured in a marriage, the new attention is something I have been craving for decades and it does feel good. Like many things, it's a fine line to walk, but I hope I get there.
poster:annierose
thread:1018478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20120518/msgs/1018784.html