Posted by Solstice on February 24, 2011, at 16:06:20
In reply to Re: I think the weather in h*ll must be chilly » Solstice, posted by Daisym on February 24, 2011, at 12:27:27
> >>>It's just gonna make me angry to hear any more excuses for what is inexcuseable. I'll tell you the one I REALLY hate. "I can guarantee you that I will disappoint you again."
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> <<<Several times over the past few months my therapist has said, "maybe it is good that this has happened. It opens up other things for us to talk about." I've asked him to stop saying that - it has been a really painful process for me to work back from the rupture and when he tells me how fallible he is, I get nervous. I need him to have a plan, to steer the ship, to at least pretend like he is knows what we are doing. There are times in therapy when I admire his ability to be self-deprecating. But not when I'm feeling vulnerable and scared - regression needs strong containment.Hi Daisy..
I've really appreciated your input (and Dinah's too). I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. Regression needs to be safe, and it sure as hell needs to be contained by something consistent and stable.. with as little variability as possible.
> I think as we get more sophisticated about our own therapies, and the alliance is really strong, our therapists sometimes over-estimate our ability to tolerate certain things or take in certain concepts. I fall apart when my therapist treats me like most of the world does - someone completely in charge of herself and everything around her. I've questioned whether I'm "proving" to him that I need him and he sometimes agrees. But he and I have also talked about how I sometimes have him carry my feelings, which then I read as his and he doesn't feel safe - ie I'm not safe within myself. It gets really complicated when you are really connected.
>
> I hope tonight is both angry and tearful. There is a lot here and you need to get reconnected and "find" your therapist again. And he needs to hear you and remember that his role for you right now is support and strength, not reality checks. Just like when a mother says, "we'll all be fine" even if she herself doesn't believe it yet.
>
I wish I knew what I needed. My insides are just filled with knots. I think I'm terrified at the vulnerability I feel. What I really want to do is pull away and refuse to play marbles. I want to cross my arms in a huff and push T away. I don't want to trust anything. I want to shut down my need for this relationship. But if I do that.. then where do I go?I leave in an hour.. and I feel sick to my stomach.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:979635
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/979714.html