Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2011, at 20:04:02
In reply to Re: I think the weather in h*ll must be chilly » Dinah, posted by obsidian on February 22, 2011, at 19:37:24
I think it might have been (gasp!) just growing up.
Yuck.
But it also might be that sometimes receiving what you've been wanting isn't so great. He cares about me, he trusts me, and he's been himself with me far more than he ever did before. Nothing terribly inappropriate. Just unguarded perhaps. Using his own way of speaking instead of gearing it to me. I don't think it's precisely self disclosure because he's not disclosing more than he ever did. But it feels different. The boundaries are still there. But the personal in room boundaries are looser than they used to be in often vague ways. Again, nothing inappropriate. Just different.
I reminded him of a time in the last year or so when I told him I felt like our positions with respect to each other were changing. That it was like one of those flip books where one minute we were where we should be in respect to one another, and the next minute my perspective was more level. On the same level. Equal. More side by side and less face to face. It was almost a physical experience and it almost made me dizzy and disoriented. I think maybe it's a continuation of the same thing.
You can't feel safe from the world with an equal, or a friend, or a peer. Or I can't at least.
It might not be so much that he changed but that I did. I always knew that the magic of therapy existed because I embued therapy with magic.
I'd like for him to be committed to help me regain that magic instead of being happy for my progress. Angry or sad would be appropriate. But calm happiness about it just doesn't seem appropriate. I won't be full of *unalloyed* happiness when my son goes away for college. I don't even think I ought to be.
He spent most of the time we spoke admitting he really didn't understand, and conveying the impression that I'm weird. That's not exactly news, I guess.
poster:Dinah
thread:979635
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/979646.html