Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2011, at 15:20:23
I actually had a talk with my therapist about the fact that I didn't feel so much need for him lately. That something had shifted. I didn't think of calling him when something went wrong.
I told him I thought our positions, with regard to each other, had changed. That he felt more like a therapist/friend than a therapist/mommy or a therapist/father. And that I didn't need a therapist/friend.
He asked why I said I no longer felt safe with him, and I told him I felt very safe with him. Safer than I ever had. I knew he liked me, and cared about me. But that I wasn't feeling like I was safe from the world in his office, which was a different thing altogether.
I don't think he got it. He thought I should be happy about the shift in the dynamics bringing therapy to a new level. He doesn't understand that the shift in dynamics means an end to therapy. He was trying to explain that I didn't need to leave. I was trying to explain that it had nothing to do with needing to leave or being forced out. It had to do with needing to go to therapy and choosing to go to therapy.
I don't know. Maybe it's not something that can be understood from the outside of my brain.
I don't need a friend. I have lots of friends, and I don't need to pay them to be my friends. I need something different in a therapist.
I need to need him. I need for him to be *big*. I want him to be caring and warm, but the caring and warm of a father to daughter. I can't force that need though.
Growing up is so lonely.
poster:Dinah
thread:979635
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/979635.html