Posted by Solstice on November 17, 2010, at 22:39:37
In reply to Re: an eternity, posted by annabelle smith on November 17, 2010, at 21:54:44
> Thank you, Solstice. This really helps me.
>
> No, I wasn't talking about the therapist with whom I just terminated; I did feel some of this idealization with him too, but I am talking about the intense feelings that I feel toward my original (and now, current) therapist. Much of it seems to me to have to do with the re-evokation of an affective state, a place where my here-and-there jabs of longing, desire, glimpses of home, safety, self, and God are somehow culminated in an intense frenzy of energy and presence. That is actually what hurts, is ambiguous and scary. I know that I am safe here-- that is precisely, I think, the source of much of my anxiety. It seems like it is too good to be true, and I keep waiting for the terrible instant when I will realize that actually, it is too good to be true; that is, it is not true or real.I can relate to that, girl! It can defintely feel intense... and terribly scary. I think part of the process in therapy is coming to terms with the reality that a therapist will not be a life-long partner, and we may really struggle with a desire for that that we know in our head isn't reasonable, but our heart longs for that utopia. It's not just people in therapy that experience that longing - it's probably most people on the planet! A perfect world.. where we are perfectly loved and understood - even adored. Who wouldn't want that to be a reality?? It's a process of maturity where we come to terms that that utopia does not exist, but a really good therapeutic relationship with a caring and trustworthy therapist can help us walk through that door. He won't be perfect, and at points along the way he WILL disappoint you. The trick is in learning how to trust him - to trust the relationship - to know you are safe and understood - and to learn how to work through the inevitable ruptures. Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. And talking to him about that stuff will likely markedly reduce the anxiety, and will take the shame out of it for you. Dinah has posted some amazing things that are in the archives about the evolution of her relationship with her T. She often referred to him as her "therapist-mommy." I was intrigued and charmed by Dinah's emotional candor. They talked about it frankly - and really, Annabelle, I think putting your current feelings out on the table in therapy will make a big difference for you.
Sol
poster:Solstice
thread:970565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/970653.html