Posted by Solstice on November 19, 2010, at 13:55:24
In reply to Re: an eternity, posted by Annabelle Smith on November 18, 2010, at 20:29:45
Hi Annabelle -
I am so sorry that you're experiencing so much pain right now. You aren't sabotaging your therapy. I think the Important thing for you to do right now is to just stay *in* it. More really might be better right now. If you could see him twice a week, it might make the between times more bearable. If all you can do is is there in anxious silence... then just Do that. This isn't a performance that you have to give. He is big enough to handle your anxious silence. For many of us, a therapeutic relationship is the first time we've experienced understanding, compassion, kindness... so of course it can feel 'unreal' to us or leave us feeling like we are 'unreal.' That's why it's important to just stay *in* it. Just be *with* it. Over time, you will start taking in that understanding, compassion and kindnes... sand you will learn that it is reliable... that it will be there again and again.. it can be trusted.. even when you can do nothing more than sit in anxious silence. If you can, maybe you could talk about safe, mundane, every day things? I think you're in school? Talk about a class, a professor, a test. Talk about a book you're having to read. Therapy is hard work.. but the hard work for us is often just staying *in* it. The therapeutic stuff takes place in little unexpected moments along the way... the 'work' is in the background, outside of our awareness. It's about the relationship you're building with your therapist. So Annabelle - Be ok! You are fine. You aren't wasting anything... and you aren't sabotaging anything. Be kind to yourself. Therapy is hard. It can be hard to not 'run' from what we need to have. Just breathe deeply, and remember what it felt like to be treated with kindness and compassion in session. Let yourself look forward to the next time. And don't give yourself grief about all the anxiety and inability to talk. It's normal. It's understandable. And your therapist is big enough to handle your anxiety... your silence... your attachment.. your idealization... whatever. He can bear it. He can stay with you while you work your way through it... just stay *in* it.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:970565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/970765.html