Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2009, at 0:07:05
In reply to Re: I fired my t » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2009, at 17:04:00
> You're already feeling so hurt. Would there be much to lose in asking him outright if you can see him again?
I don't know. I guess not. I kind of think that there would be a lot to lose. Right now I have some kind of hope that there just has been this really horrible misunderstanding. It might be that he really doesn't want to see me again or that if I go in to see him he will make it clear that he really doesn't want to work with me anymore. I don't know how I would handle / cope with that. I really don't think I would cope well at all. But if I don't try then I guess I am just left with nothing. I'm not sure how I'm handling / coping with that. Not very well. Feeling very... Borderline. Thinking of presenting myself to a hospital for assessment. What would I have to lose? If they turned me away... I'm starting to feel cornered again, like I have no options but to do something... Extreme.
I emailed him. Numb now. Just need to wait. I think I've irrevokably f*ck*d things up truth be told. I'm hurting so bad / so numb... I don't know what to do.
The best I could say was 'Dinah thinks I don't have much to lose in asking if I can see you again. She is usually right about such things'. Not quite true :-( But... That is the most direct I can be. Sometimes... Words fail me. I just can't seem to say whatever 'magical words' might be required :-( I just can't say 'I want to see you again'. I just can't. That was all I wanted and... He wasn't there.
I'm not optimistic. Only time he had guaranteed for me this month was the time this morning - and was made clear enough last night that that time wasn't available to me anymore.
If I do see him... I'm not sure I'll be able to do much but sit there all numb with tears of frustration and anger rolling down my cheek. Inconsolible. I think... It is expression of that that started this mess in the first place (why would you want to see someone who is inconsolible?????)