Posted by alexandra_k on June 13, 2009, at 20:11:19
It was a hard decision but... He doesn't have time for me. He said he would save me a time for when I came back. I kind of knew that one time (aka once a week) wasn't enough. I guess I figured that we might do that for a couple of months, though, until another slot opened up for me. But turned out that even though he did save me a time (in the sense that he didn't have anyone regularly booked in this one particular spot) his receptionist basically booked it out with 'once off' appointments until a couple months after I'm back. So... Basically nothing for a couple months (unless there are last minute cancellations and I can get in at that time) and then once a week. And I know from experience that once a week ends up being once a fortnight more often than not with conferences and people getting sick and so on and so forth and... It isn't enough.
I've asked him for a referral. Not sure how likely it is that I'll find someone else who will be able to see me twice a week anytime soon. But still... I can't deal with the longing for more. I have it badly enough when I am seeing him twice a week (which turns into once a week more often than not). He seems... Surprised, I guess. Didn't really seem to understand that this is what is going on. Just saw that I was mad with him about something... But the thing is that he basically doesn't have time for me.
This is kind of old, huh. Just like my Dad, really. Nice enough (when I was a kid at any rate - and even as an adult, I guess) but just... Not really having the time to give me. Nice enough... But basically kinda hopeless. Well intentioned and all... But just not enough for me. My t needs to (at least try) and give me to someone who has more time for me. It isn't enough. I... Feel kinda blah. Was so excited about coming back... About seeing him again... Several weeks on... He isn't there. I feel... Dropped. And just kinda blah. If I hadn't contacted him at all about continuing to see him... Would he have missed me at all? No. I really don't think he would.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:900834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/900834.html