Posted by TherapyGirl on November 9, 2008, at 21:30:30
In reply to Re: I should add » TherapyGirl, posted by rskontos on November 7, 2008, at 9:18:02
That makes perfect sense and you are on target about my adult self. Of course, the danger is that I will be so distracted by the needs of my 3 year old that I will all but disregard the adult needs.
I did have a 2nd session with my T on Friday and was able to deal with some of the adult things that day. I asked her when she was planning to tell me she was moving (I figured it out and asked; she didn't volunteer it) and she said she hadn't figured that out. I reminded her that we have had this conversation several times over the years and that she can't wait to tell me things that are this huge, hoping for a more opportune moment. That basically never works out for me. She said it was always a tough judgment call for her about whether to pile on if I'm stressed out or having a crisis. But there's almost never a time when that's not the case. I told her it wasn't a judgment call anymore -- that from now on, she has to tell me when she knows, no matter what. She agreed to that. I also told her that in every conversation we have about her leaving me, she must acknowledge how completely devastating this is for me. I told her that I didn't want to hear that I'll be fine because neither one of us knows if I will be. And to act like this is not devastating somehow disrespects my feelings for her. She agreed to all of that and then thanked me for handling my anger so well. (Because in the past I would have called her up and said, "F*ck you, I'm not coming back.")
I don't know what I'll do without her -- my 3 year old or my adult. I've not had this kind of relationship with anyone else ever. It's hard to imagine it going away the way it's going to. And I know she'll keep in touch, but you know it won't be the same.
I really appreciate the support and the clarity you brought to me with your post, RSK.
Thanks.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:861211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861928.html