Posted by raisinb on October 30, 2008, at 8:31:01
In reply to My latest decision about T~Long~, posted by LadyBug on October 29, 2008, at 23:29:57
Ladybug, I wish you the best in your appointment. What you've been through is so hard, and I hope it gives you some peace. If that's what you need to do, that is exactly what your course of action should be.
I read your post through a couple of times, and to be honest, I still feel like your therapist's actions are a jigsaw puzzle with many missing pieces. My therapist has said things to me before that were very, very hurtful, and resulted in self-destructive acts on my part. I was so angry about these that I acted out, berated her, withdrew when with her, and then she became defensive, and it took a good deal of time for us to get these things squared away. In the end, I had to accept that she just didn't know the effect they'd have. However much she *should* have known, she didn't. And then when she found out, she had (I am totally speculating, but this is what I sense) a lot of conflicting emotions. Guilt, frustration at me for making her feel guilty, regret, sadness, doubt as to whether she could help me or not. All at the exact time I needed unambivalent warmth and caring from her the most.
I guess I'm saying that maybe your therapist did not know what effect that comment would have on you. Then, the fallout, for both of you, made it difficult for her to provide exactly what you needed then. And that maybe after a break, things will be better.
Regardless of who's the client and who's the therapist, a relationship of 11 years is going to be very important to both parties. Sometimes, unfortunately, this leads to therapists being a little less objective--more defensive, more frustrated, more upset--than they should be.
Of course, there's her retirement to consider. I still think that apart from you, there is something going on with her. Otherwise, she would have planned more in advance for this major life change.
Let us know how the appointment goes. I hope she can be honest and caring with you, and that you walk away with more of the good you shared.
poster:raisinb
thread:859858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/859886.html