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Re: I sure hope this was a Modest Proposal (re: se Racer

Posted by twinleaf on March 2, 2008, at 15:44:25

In reply to I sure hope this was a Modest Proposal (re: sex), posted by Racer on March 2, 2008, at 14:45:28

Racer, that was such a moving and heartfelt post. You are courageous to open up a candid discussion on this subject, and I am sure you are not alone.

In thinking over what I might say, the first thing that comes to my mind is "why?" is your husband uninterested, even averse, to sex? Has he permitted an in-depth exploration of this in your marriage counseling? If desire is absent, couldn't he do other things short of intercourse? There could be powerful, complex reasons why sex within marriage is much more difficult for him than it was before marriage- reasons rooted in his childhood and his relationship to his own mother. Is there a chance that he might be willing to explore this in individual therapy of his own? I think I remember that you said that he was depressed. Is he taking any ADs which are interfering with his sex drive?

I know that you are in your early 40's, and more than one person here has met you and said that you were beautiful. So what if there's a little "linen" activity going on around your eyes; without doubt, you are very attractive and desirable, and could attract another man. What would it be like if you left the door open for that, without actually planning it, while you work on banishing those incorrect, negative thoughts about your body, and your husband, hopefully, starts to explore his situation more fully, and also hopefully, takes a little more responsibility for his side of things? Our sexual feelings are so wonderful, and such as important part of a good life, that they are worth an enormous fight to have and enjoy.

A final wild thought- what about getting some oxytocin spray?

 

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