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Re: Crush on psychologist in training

Posted by estrellita on March 1, 2008, at 23:05:22

In reply to Re: Crush on psychologist in training, posted by estrellita on February 21, 2008, at 0:09:28

Okay, I guess I was expecting more responses to what I wrote, but that's a selfish wish. I have read other people's threads about love and crushes, and am reading (apparently everyone's favorite!) In Session.

This past week has been hard - I am starting to fall for this guy. I imagine that we could become friends after this therapy thing is over, even if that's not for a couple of years for now. And then reality comes seeping into my mind, and I slowly face the fact that it's horrible of me to even consider the idea that he'd act against what he feels to be right - ethically, not to mention legally, etc.

I keep thinking that if he is as interested in me as I am in him (who knows...not impossible), maybe he'll agree with me that meeting someone you feel that way about happens so infrequently that it'd be unthinkable to throw it away no matter what the rules. However, I don't know him personally and have to realize that it's unlikely he'd risk throwing away his career/reputation just as he's starting out simply for a chance to find out what a relationship between us would be like.

I thought I could shut the crush down, because I had to. But my imagination makes me believe that if he's attracted too, then anything can (and will) happen.

I've read a lot about this dilemma I find myself in, and know all the arguments for and against. I know that him upholding the boundaries established at the outset demonstrate that he cares for my welfare and that he's fundamentally an ethical clinician. I've also thought through what the repercussions could be for him if he crossed those boundaries, and I do care about him and don't want to see any ill effects for him or his career.

I just can't help but wonder if it isn't foolish, when something like this presents itself in life, not to pursue it? It happens so rarely.

Each time I lose myself in imagining, I end up breaking my own heart because I don't want to put him in a bad position...and of course he's not going to put himself in that position if I never say anything.

Even if I write him a note after therapy is over, I'm afraid he'll be obligated to let his supervisor know and that that alone could tarnish his reputation (not to mention mine).

And even if, beyond all possibility, we broke the boundary and realized we were happy together, it would have to be kept secret from anyone he knows, because of how we met.

The first time I posted here it was just a crush, but now I love him as a therapist (I guess I'm starting to trust him), and I'm starting to think I'd fall for him had I met him anyplace else. The worst part is not being able to talk to him outside of monitored sessions... And that, of course, from the perspective of everyone but me, is the reason boundaries need to be strictly maintained.

Put two youngish, intelligent, and attractive people with similar interests into a room with no distractions for an hour a week, mix in intimate conversation, frequent eye contact, minimal physical distance, and sharing of ideas, and then prevent them from getting to know each other any further and from having contact outside of that single hour in the same sterile room, and what you have is a recipe for frustration and heartbreak...along with enough "healing" to keep the "client" coming back for more.




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