Posted by Lindenblüte on November 8, 2006, at 20:59:04
In reply to Re: I've Done What You've Said And No Results » madeline, posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2006, at 19:50:20
Phillipa you are SO much different from your mother.
You may share the same thyroid, but your brains are VERY different. Brains are very sensitive to the environment when you are growing up. I think that your brain is a pretty powerful thing. You have a conscience, and you have a warm, big heart. You are smart enough to ace nursing school. You are capable of love. You are the only mother your children ever knew, and you are doing a really good job. All of these things you have learned and done with your life have shaped and molded your brain like modelling clay. Just like a muscle responds to challenges, so does a human brain. You are stronger and wiser for all of your experiences.
Maddie's totally absolutely one hundred percent CORRECT.
NONE of what you experienced as a child was your fault. You did the best job you could. You tried so hard to be a good daughter, and you tried your best to stay out of trouble. Your mother failed to give you the childhood that everyone deserves. You kept up your bargain- the child's job is to love mom as a baby. The mother's job is to love her baby and help that love grow stronger as her child matures. Your mother wasn't ready.
You survived, though. You have more struggles than many people, because your mother did not give you the tools that other people's mothers gave THEM. Your mother took advantage of you and put blame on you-- it's not your fault that you feel guilty. You're only human, and at the time, you were still growing and developing.
Now you have to face the challenge. I think you're ready, though. I think you are starting to figure out how to put words behind your anxiety and depression. You're starting to make connections. It's uncomfortable to confront old "ghosts" as you called them once. That's why you have to have courage and perseverance to find a T who is strong where you are weak. A T who can act like a container for you to pour your grief out. In return your T will hold you in his or her hands, and let the bad stuff trickle out between his or her fingers. Only the good parts of you will remain, and you will feel cleaner and more true.
But it hurts so much to face that stuff. It's really scary. If you need your husband's support- to drive you to T, and pick you up when you're done-- that's fine for now. You're not alone. Try to be brave and be alone in the session with the T. This is YOUR story- your chance to tell it. Practice on your husband (I know *I* did), if you find that his love helps support and strengthen your voice.
keep posting Phillipa, I'm so inspired by you-- you are far stronger than I ever knew.
love,
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:701076
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/701803.html