Posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2006, at 19:50:20
In reply to Re: I've Done What You've Said And No Results » Phillipa, posted by madeline on November 8, 2006, at 16:46:55
And the guilt goes on as I said I'd be the exact opposite of my Mother. Never get sick so I took the best vitamins, ran, excercised, put myself through school and worked. And then just like that my dumb thyroid goes and I find out it's genes as all my medical problems are all autoimmune just like hers. I wake-up in the morning after saying I'm going to do this or that in the am. I wake-up wishing I hadn't and seriously make myself follow through on a thing. I feel like an utter failure. If you read an e-mail I wrote in the am and one at night they are totally different. Depression is more than I can bear(but I do) in the late am. I make excuses for my behavior and then realize Hey my Mother slept all day and stayed up all night. I must be my Mother so hence I will die at an early age. I fear death so much. If only I could accept getting older. But show me there is an afterlife and I can. I think my medical work interferred with faith. As medicine is being able to see something and you can't see an afterlife. How I struggle in my head with this. I did it in my 20's once but I was so young I let it go as the future was so far away. But now it's here. Love Phillipa
poster:Phillipa
thread:701076
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/701768.html