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Re: I've Done What You've Said And No Results » Phillipa

Posted by madeline on November 8, 2006, at 16:46:55

In reply to Re: I've Done What You've Said And No Results, posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2006, at 20:28:31

Oh I know that tape all too well.

My mother has bipolar disorder - bad. A lot of people think that when bipolars are manic that they are friendly and outgoing - well they aren't. They can be aggressive and mean. That's how my mom was.

She blamed me for everything. Absolutely everything. For fighting with dad, for keeping her in the house, for her not sleeping - oh you name it.

She would also have me go get the gun so she could just kill herself rather than raise me any longer. I would then get to watch while she sat on the bed threatening to do it.

How we made it out of those situations, I'll never know, but - bottom line - it is a testament to who we are as people, our strength and immense emotional reserve.

My therapist told me that children usually feel responsible for a situation as a way to assert some sort of control over it. It's the way we make sense out of things that just make no sense.

When that feeling is reinforced (as it was by our mothers) then it can be incredibly harmful for the child.

But NONE of that was your fault. It was just a crazy, random, horrible thing that took your mom from you just when you needed her the most.

One more time, NONE of it was your fault. If you could have stopped it you would have. But you were just a kid! Just a little girl!

Please do not give up the quest for the right therapist. You can get this out and you can change that tape in your head.

I'm still here.





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