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Re: The Little Girl Inside - long again

Posted by Daisym on November 6, 2006, at 23:36:14

In reply to Re: The Little Girl Inside - long again, posted by sunnydays on November 6, 2006, at 22:16:05

*******And he has told me so many times, and he really tries to get me to believe that. I can tell that he so wants me to believe that because he can feel how much I hurt myself by blaming myself, but I'm just not there yet. Or I think I'm not blaming myself when I say something, but it turns out I am in a more roundabout way. It's so hard.*********

It IS hard. Darn sneaky subconscious! I do the same thing, taking responsibility for the world. Today I cried that I had to have done SOMETHING to make all this happen. No matter how many times I hear that the parent must always be the one to keep it together, I can't help but try to find some reason. I guess we all need to feel like we have/had some control over our world.

My therapist "named" me today. "DAISY! This wasn't your fault. You were just a little girl." It always startles me when he uses my name like that. But it gets my attention. I wish I could hold on to his conviction for longer than the session.

I've talked to my therapist about being afraid of his sudden demise. I think last week it was "what if you get hit by a bus?" He always says, "I don't want that either. I'm being careful with me." :) Talk to your therapist about it. I know you feel sort of silly but it helps reduce the fear by shining a light on it.




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