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Re: The Little Girl Inside - long again*SD/Daisy

Posted by sunnydays on November 6, 2006, at 22:23:21

In reply to Re: The Little Girl Inside - long again*SD/Daisy, posted by muffled on November 6, 2006, at 11:33:56

> ++Well fwiw, I act like a total meathead in T. I keep telling my T that I actually pretty normal seeming irl. I dunno what happens to me in T, I don't understand. Mebbe I do goto the kid mode I dunno. I don't barely look at her, won't make eye contact, at the slightest sign of stress I bend way over my knees. I'd hate to see a video of myself :-(

**** Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm sooo different in therapy than I am IRL. And you are NOT a meathead. I think everyone acts different in therapy. You don't normally talk about yourself so deeply, truly, and emotionally as you do in therapy. Even if you don't talk, I think it's still a more intense setting than anywhere IRL, so it's natural it would feel different.

> +++Its not so clear to me. But I think that there's conflict, and when I try and say something, another part will block it. Or my head just spins out. Or at the slightest sign of pain I recoil like I been stung. And I think its just getting blown out of proportion in my case. I've no doubt my inside kid was scared, but I don't think its impossible to face the fear and take it down to size. I had severe childhood asthma that was not well treated. I think thats what mebbe what might have scared her. Not being able to breath, and being all alone..I dunno though. I don't have memories, only emotions.

**** Sounds like an important insight. Have you shared it with your T?

> +++Yeah, guess its always good to ask. Daisy, can I ask you if you would share what you meant in that you learned 'that lesson the hard way?'. I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, but I'll take all the help I can get.

**** Well, for me there are just more misunderstandings than it's worth if I assume my T means something rather than asking and getting clarified what he means. It causes me much more heartache to assume.

> FWTW I am stuck w/the fact that my inside kid is all to real :-( to me.
> But I think it exists on a contineum. That there's full blown DID, and then there's just varying degrees of separation of the ego states. Its nothing to be afraid of, and can be a useful tool. I think whenever someone feels 'conflicted' over something, or 'ambivalent', that that is an example of how it feels to have more separated ego states. Different ones, having different feelings about something. So I think all have it to varying dergees.

***** That makes sense. I don't know very much about this, so I'm still thinking about how it might relate to me.

> +++Mebbe you don't want my thots but you can ignore me if you want and thats OK.

***** Of course I want your thoughts!!! I want anyone's thoughts I can get!!!! And yours are very important because you've had so much experience with what's going on in this thread.

> But I realized mt states, when i couldn't figger where certain thots and emotions were commong from. Nothing made any sense at all. Then when I was praying(NOT trying to put religion on ANYone, this is MY experience only), but anyways, I was praying, and God showed me my baby inside kid, oh Lord it was so wonderful, and meant SO much in SO many different ways, its truly a wonder. It meant alot to me that this baby was so sweet, that I wasn't always tainted, that I came from this sweet baby, that the sweet baby was ME! It really was huge. The rest slowly dawned on me as I sorted out feelings and stuff....

****** That sounds like it was nice for you.

> And sadly I guess, an inside kid holds all the bad emotions. Which isn't fair. And it spills over regularly, and is messing me up which is why I need to deal with it.

***** Yeah, bad emotions are hard.

> +++Yeah, Daisy is good at explaining isn't she SD.
> And ALL are worthy. You too SD.
> I hope noone minds me horning in on this thread, but it is of big interest to me. Sorry.
> Muffled

****** Of course I don't mind!! Feel free to post whatever you want. I agree, Daisy is good at explaining, and you are too, muffled. Don't be sorry. I'm tired, or my answers to you would be a little longer.





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