Posted by muffled on October 26, 2006, at 22:03:11
In reply to My therapist really screwed up, posted by jammerlich on October 24, 2006, at 16:46:03
> At least, I THINK she did. It feels like she did.
***Yes she did
>It was something I'd alluded to that first go round; but I could never really talk about it and would clam up and go mute any time she brought it up.
***And a good T won't put ANY ideas into your head. They will wait until you say it yourself.
So, once I'd been seeing her again for a while, it seemed like it'd be o.k. for her to read about it, even if I couldn't talk and I gave her the envelope.
***Now THAT was brave. good for you.
The next session, she mentioned that she'd started looking through it and what she'd felt was the sense of aloneness. That's all she said...ever. Never mentioned it since.
***Well, once again she may have been waiting for you to start stuff. I run into that with my T.
But what irks me, is that she quite possibly lied bout starting to read it. Was the ca stuff in the early parts or not until later? If it was later, it may be that she hadn't got to it yet.
>
> Fast forward to today. Bed isn't a safe place."***(((Jammer)))) :-(
Did she respond well to that statement? Was she kind?>nd asked if she'd read what I'd given her.
>
> She admitted that she hadn't. I figured as much, yet hearing it was very painful. In giving it to her, I felt I was offering something big and she didn't even bother to look at it. Not REALLY look. She did apologize and said that because I gave it to her I must have really wanted her to know. I squeaked out an "it's o.k." But it really isn't o.k. and the more I think about it, the less o.k. it feels.***That must have hurt alot. Cuz just saying it to someone else is so huge.
You must have been on tenterhooks wondering.
At least she apologised. She realized she screwed up. She IS human. But whydo T's have to screw up important stuff??? My T screwed up something important once too. She apologised. I said its ok....sigh
>
> I've been trying so hard to keep her at a distance. So, I'm completely horrified that I'm reacting to this so strongly. She got in there somehow and I didn't even see it coming. She said she'd read it all this week and it freaks me out to know that. Part of me hopes she'll call before my next appointment...to not wait in affirming that there are some BIG things she had and ignored. And part of me just wants to be done with her completely.***Well, if it was my T, she wouldn't call. She NEVER calls unless I ask her to.
I dunno, mebbe its some T thing that you don't phoneclient, even if they written something pretty bad.
I dunno?
You got alot on your plate already w/o T screwing up at this time, and adding anger and fear and resentment and who knows what all triggery stuff to your plate.
But imo you need to straighten this out w/her, and it will help. Running away will not help. The greatest act of courage is to keep going even when something like this happens.
>
> I really, really hate this.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
It does hurt quite a lot, whether it should or not. I'm just not sure I can bring myself to tell her that. I am so ashamed of my response. And telling her would seem too intimate and I'm scared of having that with her***It SHOULD hurt.
You goto tell her or it will poison your relationship with her. If you tell her it can make your realtionship very strong.
My T relationship got most stronger when I had anger at her, and we were able to resolve it mostly, together.
Your response is good. SHE screwed up, she knows it.
I always tell my T hard stuff in writing and then I fax it to her in a brave moment, and then I can't get it back! Which is good.
And then you can talk bout it.
Go for it Jammer. Its hard , but SO worth it.
Take care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:697410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/698055.html