Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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My therapist really screwed up

Posted by jammerlich on October 24, 2006, at 16:46:03

At least, I THINK she did. It feels like she did.

In early July, I gave her a large envelope of things I'd written...mostly during the first time I saw her. There were several things in there about csa (wish we could change the font size b/c I'd like to make that really, really small). It was something I'd alluded to that first go round; but I could never really talk about it and would clam up and go mute any time she brought it up. So, once I'd been seeing her again for a while, it seemed like it'd be o.k. for her to read about it, even if I couldn't talk and I gave her the envelope. The next session, she mentioned that she'd started looking through it and what she'd felt was the sense of aloneness. That's all she said...ever. Never mentioned it since.

Fast forward to today. We were talking about sleep and she was starting in about studies that say we shouldn't use our bed for anything other than sleeping. I teared up and she asked why. I said, "That's not what not being able to sleep is about. Bed isn't a safe place." She asked if I remembered new things in the time we weren't working together. I told her I'd remembered things when we were working together the FIRST time, had written about a lot of it, and asked if she'd read what I'd given her.

She admitted that she hadn't. I figured as much, yet hearing it was very painful. In giving it to her, I felt I was offering something big and she didn't even bother to look at it. Not REALLY look. She did apologize and said that because I gave it to her I must have really wanted her to know. I squeaked out an "it's o.k." But it really isn't o.k. and the more I think about it, the less o.k. it feels.

I've been trying so hard to keep her at a distance. So, I'm completely horrified that I'm reacting to this so strongly. She got in there somehow and I didn't even see it coming. She said she'd read it all this week and it freaks me out to know that. Part of me hopes she'll call before my next not wait in affirming that there are some BIG things she had and ignored. And part of me just wants to be done with her completely.

I really, really hate this.




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