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Re: b » Jost

Posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2006, at 1:44:22

In reply to Re: b, posted by Jost on October 10, 2006, at 20:34:20


I guess that people being so far away... Is why I'm here. On Babble. If I lived in the US... I'm not sure... It might feel too close... I might... I might be way more concerned about confidentiality. I don't know. Hard to say. Hard to know. Something about the computer. Something about nobody being able to look at me. Something about nobody being able to see my facial expressions. Somethign about nobody being able to see my reactions. Even chat is harder. Real time. Say things you regret oops. Say them on the boards too, but there is the confirmation step. Can take your time with posts. I don't do IRL very well... Don't like it. Don't feel safe in it. Don't like being embodied. Babble is nice. Kind of... Disembodied...

I'm not sure about the nothingness...

People aren't born with a self. A self is something that develops. You internalise various things from your environment and what is unique about you is the particular combination of things you experienced and internalised.

I've internalised a lot of bad. Its a part of me now. Its a part of who I am. And if you pare back the bad then what is left?

I know I've had more experiences than that... But sometimes I get a bit lost in it all... It really wasn't good for me to have got to reading that stuff I was reading yesterday... It isn't quite like that you see. But it is easy to start seeing things that way. Toddlers. It was about toddlers. Rapproachment. Can I remember how it goes? Some of it rung so true...

Something about merging... Infants. They aren't really seperate from their caregiver. The caregiver mirrors. The infant is happy and the caregiver is too reflecting that. The infant is distressed and the caregiver is distressed too reflecting that. If you don't get mirrored... Then... You start to doubt your own internal states apparantly. The appropriateness of them etc. You don't learn how to regulate them. I think your caregiver is meant to mirror them and regulate their response so you kind of learn how to regulate yours. Or something. Not sure... Anyway then there is individuation. And that can be pretty scarey. Ages 1 to 1 and a half or something like that... maybe 2 i can't remember... Toddlers anyway. Fear of the abyss... Or something. Rapproachment is the longing for the merger again. For the mirroring. The security. Or something.

And projective identification... Is kind of a forced merger. A communication style of infants. Forced mirroring.

Because sometimes it is hard to express things in words...


Only this can't be right because... I had to have one of those harnesses becasue I was always running away apparantly.

I don't know.


See my t tomorrow...
We will see how that goes...

I'm scared.




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