Posted by ElaineM on August 16, 2006, at 22:34:15
In reply to Re: Not so low :-) but with questions » caraher, posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 0:12:28
>>>>>Do you have a sense that something in particular is helping you get anti-depressed?
Yes -- I had a good few days physically. That's usually what rocks my emotions. When the pain is too much, or when more than one thing is causing trouble at once, then I sink really low. Sometimes I get suicidal. The last suicide assessment I was roped into was in Feb. So I've been pretty good lately. It's just that everything is combining now. Some medical stuff (one more prominent than the other), losing ladyDoctor, my multi-thousand dollar teeth rotting out of my head no matter how I take care of them and leaving me buried in debt, and all the doctors/dentists not taking my words for what they are, because I'm tainted with psychiatric stigma, and then the confusingness with my T. IT's like everything shatty in my world is converging to this one focal point, and it's just way too much to take.
In terms of my body, if anything good has come from being ill, it's that it's killed the ED. While I will always think I'm ugly (and though I am fatter now), I would trade in any amount of beauty or thinness, for health. No question now. But that's not much of surprise considering where I'm at now -- kinda like an eleventh hour conversion. Probably not worth much huh? While a mirror can be deceitful, an x-ray, an scan, a lab report NEVER lies. I only hope that the way I look [or at least the way I see myself ;-) ] doesn't effect the way physicians treat me.
LL, your posts make me want to cry. I wish you were my friend in real life. Thank you for never judging me about my T. I know it must be hard not to, and I appreciate that. I can't help always wanting to qualify his actions, or defending him, because a piece of my heart is in him, and alot of him is keeping the rest of me in one piece. Though other times, some of him (or at least what goes on) does upset me.
I want to be the person you tell me I am -- even just a bit of that person. I'm working on believing it a little. Thank you for being how you are. ((((((LL))))))
poster:ElaineM
thread:676776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/677294.html