Posted by ElaineM on August 15, 2006, at 20:20:56
In reply to Re: Not so low :-) but with questions » ElaineM, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2006, at 17:21:26
After being on Babble for awhile now, I fully admit that we do not have a normal relationship at all. I just wonder if I'd be better at it (or if I wouldn't have messed it up, or let it get so twisted) if I had more experience with male T's. Or even men in general. I was always very silent and pliable in relationships -- or at least throughout the last real one I had. I've not talked about anything to do with it here yet. Maybe occassional hintings, but nothing beyond that. I just want to learn how to act properly. I mean, I was sent to him on purpose. LadyT picked him to send me to because I was running from all males in the world. I don't want to keep doing that.
When I hear others here explain sessions it sounds nothing like mine. And I do wish that I could have "good sessions" where you learn something, or realize stuff. For me, it's more just like general support. I consider that therapeutic because if I didn't have him right now, I'd have nobody at all. And I'm sure I would've at least attempted to kill myself by now if I had gone through the beginnings of my illness alone.
Can it ever work out well by us fixing each other? Isn't that therapeutic -- to learn that I can help another person, and seem an equal. I sometimes even wonder if a physical relationship would be therapeutic -- especially since he says that he'd never ever leave me, or hurt me. I don't know.
It is confusing though. Sometimes as though boyfriend/therapist/best friend roles are all combining and coming out at different times. He even acts like a social worker -- he's the liason between my medical specialists. He's very involved that way. Part of it that makes it ideal (when it's working nicely) is that I only have to make one trip to him every other day. I don't move well when I'm going through a bad period -- it was hard enough to add in all my appointments with LadyDoctor when I was still seeing her.
One good thing is that I actually called the number of another physician that she gave me when she returned my email a few weeks ago. It was really scary, but I practised doing it and actually made the call. Our first meeting is in October (and I'm worried about this gap) but at least I'll have a new female physician who knows my old Doctor. I miss her soooooo much. So I did something good for once!
EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:676776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676851.html