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Re: My experience with loving my therapist. madeline

Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 9:39:26

In reply to My experience with loving my therapist. crushedout, posted by madeline on July 22, 2006, at 8:38:59


Madeline,

Thank you for sharing this with me. I looked for your thread in the archives but hadn't found it yet.

It's weird because your story should give me hope but my reaction is: I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE. That is part of being in love for me, I guess--I just love that one person and no one else seems good enough? Or do I not want real love?

I can't explain it. Right now, I think I would accept my former T as a lover, or my current T, but no one else interests me, except as a distraction. And I can't imagine (nor do I want!) to want another lover.

It's really, really confusing.

Also, I feel really p*ssed off about being gay because it is soooo much harder to find a woman than it is to find a man. For me, anyway. If I were straight, I'm sure I would be married by now. But maybe that's a red herring. As my T points out, I'm only looking for *one* person anyway.

It really feels hopeless.

On the other hand, I do love this love I feel. And I do feel love from my T also. It's a pure kind of love. It's not sexual. It's just kindness and wanting me to be safe and happy. And it does give me an incredibly good feeling inside that I take with me. I am really grateful for that. But tortured at the same time.

Anyway, thank you.

crushed (as always) (with tears on my face)

P.S. You write eloquently.


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