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Re: Paying to have my heart professionally broken Dinah

Posted by llrrrpp on July 21, 2006, at 16:43:07

In reply to Re: Paying to have my heart professionally broken crushedout, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:22:18

> You might want to check the recent archives. I think Madeline posted something about being able to love because she loved her therapist first.

I remember Maddie's post. It was wonderful.

I just wanted to interject that I never loved myself until I fell in love completely with my husband. He taught me that he felt that love for me too, and that is what eventually allowed me to love myself. (Sometimes more/sometimes less!). He always said that I couldn't love him unless I loved myself. He didn't allow me to indulge in my self-hating rituals, and that made all the difference. He taught me the difference between disliking my body/my test scores/etc. and hating myself.

Maybe that's what is happening to you, crushedout? You are falling in love with someone, because you don't know how to love yourself yet? I'm pretty dumb about transference (having read very little about it, and never having experienced it personally). I just wanted to give you a little hope that you can transfer some of that love that you feel for another, and use it to recognize that you are loveable too. Even when the love is not reciprocated (i.e. in therapy), you can still love yourself.





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