Posted by orchid on April 28, 2006, at 13:51:15
In reply to Dad Issues (previously Crush on Counselor) Orchid, posted by DisposableDoll on April 27, 2006, at 22:59:34
Hi DisposableDoll,
I read your whole post. And I can understand you perfectly well - the need to get to older men and get their attention, and how you give them a bonus for being little older and a guy.
I was in the same boat. And it took a lot of conscious re working to get over that idea, and I think I still get into that attitude slightly even now at 29. You sound a lot younger, how old are you? It is great you got so much insight and help at an younger age.
And I think the issues that you have outlined here about your father are quite very serious. They are not light as you think they are. To stop contact with father at the age of 13 is exceptionally hard, and it most likely would have led you to crave for the fatherly kind of attention from other older guys. I think you need to talk again and again about how it felt for you with your T. I would actually think it would be good to get this post and give it to him (you may cut off the name part etc if you wish). And the other things like kissing on mouth must have felt really confusing to a 13 year old. I am glad your father stopped it, but he should have done it in a private and slow manner. Had he continued that, it would have been even more destructive to you. And it was not your fault by any means. You would have had no better knowledge at that age.
I don't know anything about your boyfriend, or why you two stopped, but I think if you are still young, it would be good for you if you could spend some real time and effort in getting therapy and working on your issues before you attempt to develop any serious relationship with a guy. Because these kind of father issues tend to play a major role in our romantic relationships, and it is good to get this sorted out before attempting to tackle romanntic relationship with men.
I would always get attracted to older men, and especially those who are unavailable to me (married or otherwise) and who are sometimes even abusive to me emotionally. IT didn't occur to me until much later that that was a pattern that I developed and I was subconsciously trying to fix right the issue I had with my father with other men. But all I was looking for from men was for them to be a good father to me, confused with sexual feelings, but I wasn't really prepared for a good adult like equal relationship with men.
Take Care
ORchid
poster:orchid
thread:636996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637854.html