Posted by DisposableDoll on April 27, 2006, at 22:29:47
In reply to Re: Crush on My Counselor- Out of Control? » DisposableDoll, posted by Tamar on April 25, 2006, at 22:06:29
Hey Tamar! Thanks for the response and welcome. J Thank you for saying you thought I was being insightful about the matter. *sighs* I tend to be introspective and at times, analytical, so I guess that helps. J And I can certainly relate to you on wanting to confess your emotions. I have gotten really bad with the urge to do this lately. I think it is because I am so lonely. *sighs* As for the drugs and self harm……I did eventually tell him about the drugs and self harm. I think I was genuinely afraid of hospitalization and making things worse for myself in that way. However, I was concerned about how he would feel about the drug use and about my recent promiscuity. At the same time, I almost liked being able to tell him, because I think he genuinely cares and I like to think that he’s caring about me and worried about me. I don’t mean that to sound like I want him to be upset. I just like being cared about…..especially by people I like, anyways. Also, I liked talking to him about sex because I want him to see me as a sexual being. However, telling him about the drugs and promiscuity did concern me and actually, I am still somewhat concerned about having told him. ESPECIALLY about the promiscuity. I am afraid that he won’t understand my motivation for what I do- afraid he’ll think I’m just some stupid, skanky, shallow, slut. I know he probably doesn’t see me that way…..at least part of me says that….says that he does understand…..but part of me worries about that. L Also, I do think that I withhold certain information from him because I am afraid he will judge me for it, that it will change his opinion of me for the worst, and although I want to talk to him about these things, I’d rather keep it secret than to risk making him think less of me because it wouldn’t be worth that. I honestly STILL think, however, that it is good for him to remain my therapist because I still think he is the best therapist I have ever had and I also feel more comfortable with him than any other therapist. Even though I withhold some things, I feel as though there are certain things I can talk to him more easily about than other therapists because he is so open minded and non-judgemental in general and compassionate and I don’t know….he just relaxes me. Anyways, I really liked your suggestion to tell him how important our therapist-client relationship was to me and telling him about my fears of jeopardizing and damaging it. I think he will try to reassure me and it may just be enough to help me tell him that I have romantic feelings for him. Thanks Tamar and thanks for wishing me good luck. :)
poster:DisposableDoll
thread:636996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637674.html