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Re: T said to keep depression as long as I want it Dinah

Posted by fairywings on January 21, 2006, at 9:36:00

In reply to Re: T said to keep depression as long as I want it fairywings, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2006, at 4:52:08

Hi Dinah,

No, it's not like him, but it seems like since I started feeling depressed he's less like he was b4. I feel like I'm getting on his nerves, and he's saying, "fine, if you want to feel this way, you go right ahead and waste as much of your life as you want. It's a choice and when you make the choice to feel better, you'll feel better. Period." He even said "do you realize that some people go through most of their lives feeling this way? Isn't that amazing?" The message was pretty clear.

I think he's burnt out, from the comment about feeling completely drained when he goes home at night. We were talking about movies, and he said that he'd never watched this one movie all the way through because when he goes home at night, he's so drained that all he wants to do is go into a trance, so he flips channels on the TV and 1/2 the time he doesn't even know what he's watching. Of course, being who I am, I take that personally, and feel guilty about contributing to his feeling drained. While I know I probably shouldn't be subject to it according to the rules, I'd rather have him be honest, and decide from there what to do. (My last T was biting, and not honest.)

He's also dealing with big family stuff as well as really bad stuff at the office. Everyone knows about the office stuff bec. it affects everything. It's not something we shouldn't know. I know all of it has to be incredibly stressful.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by going through all of his interventions and not sticking to them. Maybe that's why I've felt like he's all over the place telling me Jan. is a big time for depression, to maybe it's biological, to mostly just telling me to make a choice, put on a happy face, and b4 I know it I'll feel better.

When he said to keep the depression as long as I want, he said something like if you know you are allowed to keep it, maybe you'll feel empowered to give it up and make the choice to feel better. Earlier he did ask if I wanted to feel better, or if I wasn't ready to give it up. He said he's felt miserable b4 and didn't want anyone to take it away.

I'm writing him a note to tell him how some of his comments made me feel. Frankly, with all he's dealing with, I don't think it will matter. I get the feeling he's just burnt out. I think I'll cancel my next appt. if I don't feel better bec. I leave feeling worse than when I came, and I think I can listen to a self help CD to tell me to think positively, not get caught up in negative thoughts, and to focus on good things.

Thanks Dinah.




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