Posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 22:33:38
In reply to Re: T said to keep depression as long as I want it » fairywings, posted by Daisym on January 22, 2006, at 17:05:49
Thanks Daisy,
Actually tonight I feel a little better after reading here that I wasn't just being irrational. I wrote my T a long note and decided I'd go to my appt. this week, and give it to him. It helped to read some of the responses here, and put things in writing. It helped me think little more clearly, and look at views I wouldn't have considered.
Sad to say, but i only have one IRL friend, and I have no family that I could share with, other than my husband, and he is good at offering logic, humor, and kindness. I'm very grateful for him and the way he is.
I agree with you that I find hiding what I really feel is necessary. I don't share this kind of stuff with other ppl, so having a place to go where I was finally beginning to feel comfortable was good. I'm not good at nurturing myself either. I'm not even sure what I'd do if I wanted to nurture myself.
My kids can handle it when I go off to my room. They're not sympathetic, but the older ones don't pout, which is good. I try to be available and try not to hide from them too much. I try to be as positive as I can with them, and I don't take it out on them. I'm not afraid to tell the older 3 that I'm not feeling well, or that I'm in a bad mood so they just need to ignore me, or stay away from me.
I agree that trying to fend off the negative thoughts is a positive step, hard but positive. I exercise every day, so at least I'm doing that. I've lost about 8 pounds, but that's not a problem, I've got plenty to spare.
Maybe part of my problem is, even in therapy, I find it so embarrassing to admit to that there's something wrong, and I find it embarrassing to be depressed and anxious. It would be that way with any T I suppose. It was WAY worse with the last one. He made me so anxious I had skin problems and was grinding my teeth so badly that I chipped 3 of them! It's also hard for me to admit I've let them all of my friends go over the past year. And sometimes I'm afraid to leave the house or be around ppl bec. I get so anxious. Heck, the kids want to plan a vacation, and just thinking about it gives me the willies.
I don't know, maybe I want to feel this way. I don't think I do, but maybe somewhere I do. Maybe, like Dinah said, there's some secondary gain somewhere. Maybe if I let myself be miserable I won't be. You're right, it does suck and it's so confusing.
Thanks Daisy,
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:601410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/601954.html