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Re: I'm So Done!!! (trigger) Dinah

Posted by LadyBug on August 8, 2005, at 0:08:32

In reply to Re: I'm So Done!!! (trigger) LadyBug, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2005, at 10:56:47

I know you're right. I have been trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. I am angry at myself and I feel like I've failed the process. I make it hard on myself. I want to love her and I do, I just get fearful that she will reject my thoughts and ideas. I know I'm confused. She is supposed to call me from her home on tues. this week as she won't be in her office for our aapointment time. I really don't think I want to answer. I know this isn't about her it's me playing my childhood games. Come and show me you love me.....
We've been in such a good place the last little while I don't know what I did to screw things up. I made her 4 really cute bookmarks this week and gave them to her at my last appointment. I know gifts are not allowed, but sometimes if relates to our work we will talk about it and she will accept it. It wasn't something I went out and bought. They only cost a few bucks each. I was trying to express how much she means to me and that she'll always have a place in my heart.
Maybe I was feeling too close to her and it scared me??? I want to be able to see her outside her office. That is an illusion, because that can't happen. I'm just rambling hoping something will pop into my mind about what I'm feeling. I've been writing my my journal too. And reading my journal. I'll get it figured out soon I hope. The way I feel isn't fun at all.
Thanks for your thoughts Dinah. I know we are both in the natural termination phase. I don't ever want to say goodbye. And maybe that's my greatest fear.
LadyBug

 

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