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Re: Any more insights? Dinah

Posted by LadyBug on August 11, 2005, at 0:38:55

In reply to Any more insights? LadyBug, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2005, at 16:25:46

I think she really liked the bookmarks. They were all different in color and style. She commented on how I'd taken my time to make sure they were done just right and the ribbon I used matched.
I think one of the things that got me started feeling bad was when she told me she had promised her mornings this week to her daughter-in-law that was due to have her baby last week. So that meant she did't have our usual time available.
At the end of our session I asked her how long she had been a therapist. I'd actually forgot the exact amount of years. I then asked her what was the longest she had been seeing a patient.....hoping she would say that it was me!!
She said, "I can't say that". She said, "why do you ask, you must be thinking of something". When she didn't say it was me, I thought I don't want her to think I had hopes it was me so I said, "Oh I just wanted to know if it was me because then I'd be the biggest loser because I'm still coming and I'm not all better!" (Even though that wasn't the truth.) I get mad when she won't tell me something like she acts like it has to be this big secret. Years ago, she gladly told me she had been seeing one other girl longer than me because I asked her back then too. So she either still see's that girl or I'm the longest patient. I guess I was wanting to feel special that day or something and it didn't happen!!!
I did call her yesterday and left her a message. She has tried to call me back 3 times and all 3 times I couldn't answer my call. She's been very understanding and knows I left last week feeling bummed and confused.
I've got a lot of financial pressure right now too and that interferes with my therapy. I feel like I can't afford to go and it frightens me.
I'm just a struggling mind!!! But this gives me an opportunity to think about things. Writing is a very good theraputic tool for me.
Thanks for asking Dinah. I hope to be back to a better place soon. Part of me wants to tell her, "I think it's time for me to stop coming to therapy because I think you've helped me all you can, the rest is up to me."
I wish I could be that strong, but I'd miss her!! She is the one thing I can count on to be there for me, I just wish I didn't have to have limits on how often I can see her.
I'm heading to bed, but before I do, I will listen to all the voice mail's she's left for me the past 2 days. That's a comfort to listen to. I need to call her and let her know when she can get a hold of me or when I can come in. She said she'd call me at night if it would work better for me. She's so willing to be there! I do love her for that.

LadyBug

PS sorry for rambling!!

 

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