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Re: Can I ask you all something? **trigger** » Dinah

Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 18:32:58

In reply to Re: Can I ask you all something? **trigger** » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 17:41:57

hmm.. I understand..

But I think it is very important for me to a good "woman" - even perhaps more than being a good person and treated with respect as a person. Possibly because that is what I lacked the most.

And I have this notion, that you have to earn respect. That becuase you are a human - you may not be given respect.. I had to earn it all the time as a child - if I didn't do well, I wouldn't get respect, and I would get scolded at. My fahter has pounded on me so many times again and again and again if I lack in something - if I didn't learn english, or if I didn't read news etc. I was constantly terrorized about soemthing or the other in my life always. And my mother was too. Perhaps it is all because of that. I know I am blaming my fahter too much tehse past few weeks, but I want to understand exactly what happened.. otherwise, I keep blaming myself for everything.

My T says it was possibly because of the constant abuse I had that I had grown very uncomfortable with the concept of being a woman. She says I just resisted it, because I was not comfortable with my dad treating me like a wife. She says I grew very uncomfortable with my body because of it..and that is why I have these very basic doubts. She says it is common for kids who are kind of abused to have these doubts.


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