Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 17:22:54
In reply to Can I ask you all something? **trigger**, posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 17:04:21
And what do you guys feel about being a woman? I have serious issues around it.. possibly caused by my father's confusing treatment of me for several years.. he treated me like a tom boy, like a child, like a wife, like a man.. and he has caused me so much of confusion.. he has said things like men won't like you if you are smart, and at the same time telling me men will like me if I am smart.
And in my culture it was not a common thing for woman to be career oriented and work and everything.. especially in my family circle and in my town. most of my cousins didn't finish their degrees and most of them got married by 20 or something to a guy their parents chose. I was always the odd one out.. I used to study pretty well, and was constantly teased by all my cousins. They used to say if I am so brainy, no guy will ever like me. And I had huge issues even to go to engineering college. lot of my relatives said who will ever marry you if you do engineering and study so well? And my cousins always told me I was like a man. because I was so geeky.
And to top it all, I was extremely fat when I was young - was about 200 pounds. and my paretns used to make me wear so loose clothes, and there was like no shape.. and many days, I never felt like an attractive person for several years. only after I came to college, I started realizing there were other girls who were like me.
My dad caused me so much of conflict in my sexuality.. and I feel to be a good woman means to not work, and to stay at home, and to listen to whatever your husband says (possibly influenced by my culture)..But I do work - in fact I am in one of the best companies in the world, and I have a very highly challenging career. But it adds a lot to the conflict of wehther I am a good woman or not. And my hsuband follows a cult, where they say good woman don't work. And it only adds to the conflict so very much.
And I think perhaps one of the reasons I put up so much with men is because I somehow feel like I am not a good woman basically. And I feel actually if I protest against my hsuband and leave him etc, or stand up to my rights, then I am not a woman kind of thing. But sometimes I jsut take too much, and become extremely angry at my husband.. but that is mostly if I lose complete control.
Do you guys understand what I am talking about? Can some of you shed some light into what you think?
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496991.html