Posted by Crazy_Charlie on January 9, 2005, at 14:19:12
In reply to See, here's the thing (trigger, I guess), posted by Dinah on January 9, 2005, at 12:37:35
Somehow you remind me of a friend of mine, without any further similarities (I don't know you, so I couldn't say :)). Even though it might not look like it, she didn't want anyone to know that this was how she felt, she only told it to me.
She had been off drugs for 7 years, and was really proud of it. Her boyfriend (at the end of the relationship) spread rumours that she had started again, and she started just to prove ... I'm not sure what she wanted to prove. She got hooked again, and one of the things that made it really difficult for her to stop was the fact that everytime someone stepped on her, she used more, to "prove" something. Once she stood in front of her new boyfriend screaming "look, look now at what you make me do". She lost everything she had won last time she stopped using drugs, and a bit more. She is one of those persons though, that seem to manage anyway, and won it back again.. but it almost costed her life. She is now off drugs for the second year in a row, and this time I think she will manage.
I was visiting her before x-mas, and she told me about this urge. How everytime someone stepped on her, she felt like showing them what pain it caused her, without showing them. That is, hurt herself as a response to them hurting her.
As a way of covering up the pain she felt from the other people hurting her... when she hurt herself, at least she could control it. She would kick herself further down, but at least she covered up the extreme pain she felt enforced on her by others with the pain she could inflict on her own mind.
I don't know it it's like that for you, and I don't mean to compare you with someone who uses drugs as such. Just the same way of feeling, I guess.
I think maybe the other way around would be better.. everytime someone disbelieve you, don't believe in your power to manage something or fulfill something: show them that you really can do this, no matter what they think or say. And when you have proven that, you can ignore them for the rest of your life with a: HA!
Pity it's not so simple, huh.
CC
poster:Crazy_Charlie
thread:439740
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/439766.html