Posted by Pfinstegg on September 17, 2004, at 18:05:02
In reply to Re: my ego state war » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 16:42:01
That's a wonderful post, Dinah, and has such a good idea in it- that we don't have to bring up the most painful (and often isolating) things from our childhood ego state(s) when a separation is imminent. My analyst is going to be away for two weeks begining October 2, and I am having such a hard time feeling anything other than that it is a devastating interruption for my *girl*. She can hardly bear to leave his office just now, and has such a hard time feeling that he is still with her when she isn't there. A lot of the time, she's doesn't feel like he's there even when we are right there in the office together. He's very aware of this, and I can see that he wants to help any way he possibly can. He asked if a photo of him would help. I said it definitely would, if it would be OK. He said it would be very OK. I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm sure I will before he leaves. For my particular girl, I guess the most comforting things would be to look out his window at the stream, and imagine wading down the middle of it, perhaps with him showing the way. And to put a little horse and a nice, smart red pig in his office! But she is still so poor at bonding with him, or even trusting him, girl to man. *I*, the grown-up, used to be able to maintain contact better than I seem to be able to just now, but there are things I could try- like talking about music, or places we've both travelled to, or mentioning wildflowers, or possibly even things I've read about psychoanalysis or neuroscience which he will know about. I don't think he ever minds spending a little time talking about things like this, as long as he feels we are working together on the real problems as best we can most of the time. This is a very, very hard time in the analysis for me, but, even so, I''d like to marshall whatever resources I can to make the separation as "OK" as possible. I know it would give me more confidence in myself if I could do that.
Thank you, Dinah. Do you have any other examples of things you do that make you feel more securely attached, and more able to deal with the separations? I have a feeling that the truest answer is that you have spent nine years achieving those things- and that thousands of things, conscious and unconscious, went into it!
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:391998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/392097.html