Posted by Aphrodite on September 17, 2004, at 13:01:33
After my week of quitting, I spent this week in my T's office in tears. The break was quite devasting to me, and I was desperately trying to reconnect to him to little avail. I felt like I had irrevocably broken the bond, was high-maintainence one too many times, and I felt very distant from him though the young girl longed to be close again. "My" time slot that I have had for months is gone. He gave it to someone else when I quit. He said he would try to juggle things to give it back to me, but that hurt so much.
Next week I see him twice. On one day, I will see him and a pdoc for the first time back to back. Then, he informed me that he will be on vacation the following week, and so again he wanted to silence the little girl from all the hard things she came back to share. He was worried about opening up something and then having to leave. "I" understand that, but "she" doesn't and feels like she's been jerked around, abused, and silenced all over again. There is no hope of having her pain eased until October, and that's a very long time for a child.
My younger side doesn't quite trust him anymore, but is nonetheless fearful of him leaving. Corporate me will enjoy the time off from having my heart (and wallet) ripped out and will go out shopping. The child doesn't understand this attitude at all.
Oh, the inner turmoil that comes from having 5 Aphrodites in the car! I hope the pdoc can write a prescription for them to all get along.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:391998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/391998.html