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Re: my ego state war » Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 18:54:36

In reply to Re: my ego state war » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 17, 2004, at 18:05:02

I suspect you're right. After only five short years I began to trust him. After only nine short years, I've begun to internalize him. :) He'll be gone for a week (midweek to midweek) next week, and I'm almost looking forward to trying my wings. As long as he comes back. Safely. And resumes being my therapist.

The big thing is that I positively insist that we leave on a good note. One session before a separation, I asked him if I could have an extra session that day if we couldn't get to good footing before the end of the session. The clever man made sure we got to good footing.

I have definitely told him on occasion that I want to spend the session bonding, especially if he notices that I am keeping it superficial. And he usually helps me out.

A big help is our routine. It's silly things, I suppose, but routine helps. Before he leaves he gives me permission to call, but reminds me that he might not be able to call back for a long while. I don't actually (except the one time my best friend died), but it helps to know I can. After a tough session or before a separation, I ask him if everything is going to be ok. Sometimes he challenges me on that, but he finds it most efficient to inject as much calm certainty as possible and answer in the affirmative before a separation. As I walk out the door, even if I'm in a great mood, he always remembers to tell me to call him if I need him. Once or twice he's forgotten, and I turn around and ask him.

Simple and silly routines. But astonishingly reassuring. And something to hold on to. On the other hand, if they aren't done correctly each time they can cause huge distress. I called him once on a routine scheduling matter but while I was upset and asked him if everything was going to be ok. He missed his cue and answered in a businesslike way. I called him back and asked if everything was going to be ok and gave him a litany of my sorrows, and he remembered his lines, injected that calm certainty, and answered reassuringly. Again, it's not unlike a child. Routine is immensely reassuring. Deviation from routine immensely distressing. You should have seen my son when he was little if I said the prayer a bit differently. :)

I know it's a bit late to establish a routine, but maybe that's something to give yourself to think about over the vacation. What sort of routine you would find helpful.

 

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