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Re: my ego state war » Pfinstegg

Posted by daisym on September 18, 2004, at 1:12:52

In reply to Re: my ego state war » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 17, 2004, at 18:05:02

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It is amazing how when we know our therapists are leaving we go into these deep places and really need them. I asked myself if I was in some way trying to "prove" to him that I needed for him to come back. And then I'd spent the other half of the time trying not to need him too much, so he would want to come back.

What worked for me, as much as anything did, was his voice mail. And I suspect, since you hear him with all parts of you, this might be helpful for you. It was soothing to hear him laugh a little at the beginning of the message, teasing me about something that he often does, and then having him state that while he would enjoy himself, he would be back. And then he reminded me of the strategies we had talked about using when I missed him. This went really well with the picture. Can you ask him to do this for you too?

And I wrote down my feelings part of the time. That got hard for me because writing opens me up, so not writing was a way to close it down.

By talking about it a lot before he left, he gave me "permission" to miss him and to feel sad and lost. He didn't say "buck up and get over it." He said, "I know we are in the middle of all of this and I'm leaving. You have every reason to be upset." This was very validating. And when he came back, we talked about the fact the my younger-self was mad at him. He really got how hard it was for me. Your therapist gets this too. He will help you get ready. You could also take your digital camera and take a picture looking out his window.

The most amazing thing? This break was one of the most bonding experiences we've had. Because of how he handled it and the fact that he did come back. It made my youngerself trust him in a way that nothing else probably could.

And posting a lot here helped. We care about you and will help you through this.

Hugs from me.
Daisy

 

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