Posted by antigua on May 26, 2004, at 17:41:31
In reply to Re: Thanks Daisy and Aphrodite » starlight, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2004, at 15:43:20
Well, of course all of you were right. My T told me that it's a perfectly natural (notice I won't say "normal") thing to happen to a child who has been abused. I stil don't like it, and I'm not sure I can accept it. She was pretty excited (?? I feel like an experiment to her)and said that it was actually a good thing, but I don't see it. She said she had wondered where my anger was and now we know.
She tried to convince me that there were good things about the evil girl, but all I can see is her derision, demeaning behavior toward the other me. I think I already have the strength she has, so I really don't see any need for her whatsoever. My T didn't agree. I told her that everything the evil one said was actually true--all the self-hatred is warranted. I can't explain what I mean by that, but I believe she's right. None of this is my fault, but I do have to accept that the way I responded is what happened to me--I can't change that no matter what.
I'd just like to cut the evil one out of my life. I don't need her. My T doesn't agree. The evil one has all my anger--that's fine w/me, I've never been able to access it and I don't see how it would do me any good to access it now. It won't change anything. It's ugly, mean and hateful; it has no redeeming qualities. Naturally, my T doesn't agree.
I'm afraid I've reached a huge roadblock. I'm probably in denial--I do that quite often.
I see no way around this. The adult me is the same as the "good" little girl me, plus my adult strength, so what use can the evil girl be?This has been a horrible day. I'm in shock. My T had called me even before I made it home from her office. I spent the rest of the day in bed.. I just don't know where to go from here.
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:350498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/350877.html