Posted by crushedout on May 5, 2004, at 10:35:49
In reply to Re: What happened today (very long) » crushedout, posted by Penny on May 5, 2004, at 9:01:47
Thank you, Penny, for your thoughtful post.I think you're right that Ellen takes things a little too personally, but I think Rigby may also be right that my SI has been very much *directed* at Ellen and so it makes *sense* that she would take it personally. Perhaps she needs work on controlling the degree of her reactions, however.
I think she really might have used the word "stupid" but I don't think it was exactly directed at me. And at that point she was really fuming. I've never seen her like that.
It did feel like she was trying to make me feel bad in a way. Partly she may have been doing that out of anger, and partly she may have justified it because she wanted me to "be on the hook," which I didn't really get at the time but I think maybe I'm starting to get it. I'm realizing my role in this mess. There's a pattern here, and I'm the common denominator.
You're right that I felt punished for my honesty but I'm starting to question whether there was a layer of dishonesty under the "honesty" which is what set her off. Again, I don't think the extent of her reaction, or her lack of control of her anger, were necessarily very professional. But perhaps they were on some level understandable, and even helpful to me (in that I get to see the effect I have on people).
I don't know, Penny. I'm so very confused. I keep going back and forth on this today. But I think I need to see if I can make this work, grow from this, with her. I know I may just be in for a world of pain -- it's just so hard to know whether it's the "good" pain (the kind that leads to growth) or the "bad" pain (the kind that's just pain for the sake of pain and not really useful).
It's really hard to know sometimes.
crushedout
poster:crushedout
thread:341578
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343620.html