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Re: today's session was awful » crushedout

Posted by B2chica on May 4, 2004, at 11:10:28

In reply to today's session was awful, posted by crushedout on May 4, 2004, at 10:45:29

(((CrushedOut)))
i'm sorry i missed out on this conversation. I have not cut myself right on those parts, but i have dreams (day and night) about slicing up my breasts so that there's nothing left, i haven't because i talk myself through it reminding that these are MINE and only MINE and i need to take care of them, protect them. the other place i tend to cut along the "bikini line" if you know where that it. so very close 1)it bleeds real good 2)i don't have to worry about cutting into a muscle.
Evil??? NEVER!! you are in pain. you cut probably because you can't get out what needs to come out.

i'm afraid i agree with Ilene on this one. i have heard of many T's not being able to cope with this...that is their problem either they can help you or they can't. a good T will tell you that at that point they can no longer help you and you should switch. I finally told my T last week about the cutting, he was suprised but did not look disgusted with me (as i did). yesterday's appt was tough for me, because i did a lot of cutting this weekend and yesterday i'm just thinking at my age what the hell is wrong with me. and that i'm tired of cutting yet right now there is nothing in this world that would make me give it up.
I think i need it to survive. I think everyone who cuts is using it to get through some rough stuff.
Please, you need to be upfront with your T and say i cut, and i don't forsee me stopping, can you help me through this? if they are not or can't hopefully they will tell you and maybe refer you to someone who can.
I completely understand and would NEVER judge you or anyone who cuts.
Please take care of yourself, and i admire that you didn't hold back and you shared that with us. I think that's a big step for you and i admire that. i think you're stronger than you think.
B2c.

> she seriously threatened to terminate me. she seemed really angry and wouldn't communicate with me. she said she wanted to "leave me on the hook." i'm sure this makes her sound awful but she has a strategy i'm sure. i just know i feel awful adn i have to sleep it off. i'll try to write more about it later.
>
> withhold judgment till you hear the whole story. please. i need unbiased support, but i keep making my t sound like a monster. she's not. i'm the monster.


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poster:B2chica thread:341578
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343197.html