Posted by DaisyM on May 3, 2004, at 20:22:32
In reply to Re: It's a long road (long) » DaisyM, posted by Aphrodite on May 3, 2004, at 15:25:19
It is totally normal, especially for those of us who worry that people might leave us. Trusting is so hard and when we finally do trust, how do we know if we are trusting (and therefore dumping) too much?
Yes, you should tell him. That way he can help you not do it. My Therapist and I have an agreement that I will not take care of him and be honest in therapy and if he sees me doing it, he will call me on it, or ask me about it. I don't always manage to avoid doing it, and sometimes I'm not even aware of it. But I told him I was going to need to hear a million times that he wasn't overwhelmed and he wasn't "done" and he was going to reject me because of how needy I might become. So he says it a lot. And sometimes he even acknowledges these fears up front. Like when he wanted me to come more often he said, "I know this is going to freak you out on some level..."
I told him today that I was mad at him over the weekend for opening up a really painful subject when I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't prepared for the level the discussion went to. He said he knew it was painful but he didn't know we were going there either. And that part of my pain and anger where that I didn't have a chance to prepare *him* for how awful it was going to be, so my "I've overwhelmed you" fears were up. He was right. And he said he didn't plan to stop going deep with me and he finished with, "I'm still here."
So, talk to him. It might really help.
poster:DaisyM
thread:342123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343018.html