Posted by Miller on November 15, 2002, at 8:15:46
In reply to feel like I'm drowning, posted by likelife on November 14, 2002, at 21:58:23
Hi Lifelike,
Oh, I so know how you are feeling right now. If drugs aren't helping and therapy isn't helping, and if I (you) can't make myself (yourself) feel better, will I (you) ever feel good??
A good friend told me recently that if I kill myself, nobody who knows me will ever be the same. Since I didn't understand what he meant, he told me to think about if my husband killed himself. So, I took his advise and thought about how everyone would act/react if my husband killed himself. Obviously, I would be devastated, and probably blame myself. His parents would be crushed. His friends would be so hurt. But then I started thinking about people that only slightly know him. Like the people he works with and the people he has met through me. A suicide would certainly effect them as well.
The point of this story is to seriously consider if, by taking my own life, would I be solving a problem (misery) or creating more suffering in others. OK, this question would probably seem obvious to those who do not suffer as we do. But for people like us, it is a fragile balance.
I would LOVE to be as selfish as I want and just turn my own lights out forever. Something always holds me back. Maybe it is hope, maybe it is love, but there is something that has prevented me.
As pathetic as I see myself at times, I think it would be more pathetic if I tried to kill myself and failed. People would be looking at me as if I was a fruitcake. So, I have decided, if and when I decide to kill myself, it will be certain I will not fail. Since I have made that decision, I am know more cautious of feeling suicidal. I do not threaten myself. I know when I decide to go, I will. So, now I look at the possibility more seriously. Good or bad, it has kept me from taking the ultimate plunge.
So, my advise to you? *Remember you are not alone. We all feel sad and lonely. *Try to remember there are people who love you, no matter how distant they may seem. *People have assured us that there is hope. Maybe there is a chance we won't always feel this way.
Lifelike, I am glad you are on this forum. So, when you feel scared and lonely, come here. Post as often as you need. Let us share our feelings and thoughts. I figure with so many different people and opinions, there has to be someone who will connect and help me. I bet the same will hold true for you as well.
LOVE
poster:Miller
thread:1549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1552.html